


living in a dream

by CapriciousCrab



Series: dream, baby, dream [5]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Dreams and Nightmares, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, dream within a dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-07 02:05:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14661090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapriciousCrab/pseuds/CapriciousCrab
Summary: He jolts out of the dream, eyes flying open as he jackknifes to a sit. He's gasping for air, and his sweaty curls are plastered to his forehead, testament to the anxiety the nightmare had filled him with. He turns his head to look for Phil only to be met with an empty space next to him. Unable to stand the silence of their bedroom, Dan climbs out of bed and heads out into the lounge. He can hear the low drone of the television, and it draws him like a beacon. If the telly is on then Phil is there, and Phil means comfort.





	living in a dream

 

He jolts out of the dream, eyes flying open as he jackknifes to a sit. He's gasping for air, and his sweaty curls are plastered to his forehead, testament to the anxiety the nightmare had filled him with. He turns his head to look for Phil only to be met with an empty space next to him. Unable to stand the silence of their bedroom, Dan climbs out of bed and heads out into the lounge. He can hear the low drone of the television, and it draws him like a beacon. If the telly is on then Phil is there, and Phil means comfort.

 

He pauses in the doorway and smiles, his body relaxing at the sight of Phil snuggled up on the sofa. He's got his patchwork quilt pulled up to his chin, hair mussed and glasses on, and he looks like home. Dan can't resist crossing the room and dropping down on to his lap, tucking his face into his neck and breathing him in. He ignores Phil's grunt of protest and snuggles in closer, tucking his knees around Phil's hips and he presses him back against the sofa. He smiles as the bad dream fades away and settles in for a long cuddle.

 

Except Phil is pushing at his shoulders, moving him away from his chest with an irritated huff.

 

“Dan, I was watching something!” he said. “What are you doing?”

 

He scoots a bit back on Phil's thighs so he could look into his face, trying to gauge Phil's mood. He's annoyed, brows lowered and eyes narrowed in a glare. It's not an expression Dan is used to seeing on Phil's face, much less have it directed at him, and it catches him off guard.

 

“I-I had a bad dream and I needed to see you, to feel you.” His voice is quiet and unsure, trying to gauge Phil's mood. “I dreamt that you were gone. I don't know if you had left or if you had never come into my life at all but there was such an emptiness in me.”

 

He leans forward to rest his forehead against Phil's but he's moving Dan off of his lap, setting him on the sofa next to him. Dan frowns in confusion as he watches Phil rise to a stand and pace to the window, pulling aside the curtain to stare into the starlit courtyard.

 

“Phil? Is everything alright?”

 

Phil sighs, his shoulders slumping a bit before he comes back to join Dan on the couch. He takes Dan's hand into his own and lifts it to his lips, kissing each knuckle before resting their joined hands on his thigh.

“I need to talk to you. It's important, and I need you to stay calm, okay?”

 

Anxiety sweeps over Dan in a rush, drying his mouth and tightening his stomach. He can feel his hands start to shake as he watches Phil's face.

 

“Phil?”

 

Phil closes his eyes for a moment as if searching for courage. He opens them again and looks straight into Dan's eyes, his hand gripping Dan's tightly. “You know I love you, right? That I love you and would never, ever want to hurt you?”

 

“Yes, of course, I do. Phil-”

 

“Dan, stop. Let me speak, please!” Phil's voice is shaky but determined. He takes a deep breath before continuing, “Look, we've both come a long way, yeah? We've grown and we've accomplished so much, so much more than we ever thought we would. But we've changed, Dan.”

 

He brings Dan's hand to his mouth again, as if unable to keep himself from nuzzling at it. “We've changed and that's good, it's a good thing. I'm proud of you, proud of everything you've accomplished.” His hand tightens on Dan's now. “We've changed,” he repeats, “And now...well, now I don't think we want the same things.”

 

“Phil, what do you even mean? What are you saying?” Dan asked frantically, pulling his hand free of Phil's to clench in an anxious fist.“Phil-”

 

“I'm saying that we're on different paths, Dan,” Phil said, blue eyes soft and sad. “You're bold and outspoken and out in ways I'll never be comfortable. You're content with keeping our relationship hidden and I understand. I really do.”

 

He shrugs sadly before continuing, “I just want more. I want to be able to take your hand in public if we want. I want to introduce you as my partner. To take you along as my plus one. But you don't want that and I'm tired of wishing you would. Tired of hearing you joke about other men to our followers, tired of seeing the comments about your thirst posts. I know it means nothing but it still hurts, even if it is just my pride.”

 

“I'm going to stay with my parents for a while,” Phil said. He stands and looks down at Dan, huddled in a ball on the sofa. “I'll always love you, Dan. That's one thing that will never change. I just don't want to be your secret anymore.”

 

And then the only sounds left in the room were the sounds of his footsteps walking away and Dan's stifled gasps for air, his chest on fire as bands of steel grow tighter and tighter around him. His mind is a whirl of white noise and frantic disbelief, Phil's words swirling around in a storm of chaotic confusion. His throat is closing now in panic, drowning him in fear as he throws out an arm---

 

 

And sits upright with a strangled gasp, his movement violent enough to wake the man next to him.

 

“mmm, Dan? wha's wrong?” Phil's voice is groggy and thick with sleep as he rolls toward Dan's body, flinging his arm across his lap. He pulls himself closer and rubs his face along Dan's hip, nuzzling him in that feline way of his.

 

Dan scrubs his hands over his sweaty face and lets the warmth of Phil's body center him, pulling him away from the brink of tears.

 

“Dan?” Clearer now as he pulls himself up to sit next to Dan, Phil reaches out and pulls Dan into his side as he rests his head on his shoulder. “Are you alright?”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, just had a bad dream.”

 

Sleepy blue eyes look back at him, taking in the sweaty curls and the chewed bottom lip. He leans in and presses a kiss to his cheek before asking, “Want to talk about it?”

 

“It's late. Or early...what the fuck time is it anyway?” Dan asked, stalling a bit. He doesn't really think that Phil feels the way dream Phil does, but what if he does?

 

“Dan, your stalling,” Phil yawned, nudging him a bit with his elbow.“Come on, you'll feel better talking it out.”

 

“You were leaving me,” he said, throat tight with remembered grief. He rests his cheek on Phil's chest and lets the muffled beat of his heart soothe him, reminding him that Phil was here and his and it was just a dream.

 

“Well, that was stupid of me.”

 

Dan snorts out a laugh at that. It's just such a Phil thing to say; no soft platitudes here, just stark reality and blunt speaking.

 

Phil yawns again before asking,“Did I at least say why I was leaving?”

 

That has Dan tensing up, enough to have Phil squeeze him a bit closer for comfort.

 

“You said that-that you were hurt by me talking about other guys and the comments our viewers make about it. That you didn't want to be a secret anymore.”

 

He turns his face up toward Phil's, needing to see his eyes. “ Phil. Phil, you need to be honest with me. Is any of that true? Do you ever feel that way?”

 

Phil lets out a sigh that has Dan tensing in fear. “Does it bother me now? No, of course not, not when I do the same thing. It's an easy way to let people know we're not exactly straight, yeah? But I'm not going lie and say that it's never bothered me. Because of course, it has at times.”

 

Phil puts a finger to Dan's lips, silencing the words forming there. “Not done.” He replaces his finger with his mouth, giving him a soft kiss. “I'm human, Dan. I get jealous sometimes just like everyone else does. Especially since your type is the complete opposite of me-all those scrawny, slightly greasy looking guys...”

 

“Excuse me. They are not greasy!”

 

“Beg pardon. Scrawny, slightly _sweaty_ looking guys.”

 

Dan squawks in pretend outrage before laughing, tense muscles relaxing as Phil had intended. “This whole exchange is ridiculous and I'm done with it. Now spoon me and let me sleep. We can talk more in the morning.”

 

They settle back under the duvet, Phil behind him. His body is curved protectively around Dan's and he has his face pressed into the back of Dan's neck, his breath warm and comforting.

 

“Phil?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Why doesn't anyone ever talk about the guys you drool over?”

 

Phil lets out a soft laugh as he shifts around, bumping Dan's rear with his hips. His words are slurring as he starts drifting back to sleep, “Mmmm, I'm more casual about it, I think. You have a big mouth. Gets you in trouble.”

 

“I have a big mouth, do I?” Dan asked, torn between laughter and indignation.

 

Phil rubs himself suggestively against Dan's ass as he mumbles “love that big mouth.”

 

Laughter wins as Dan lets out a shocked, “Philip Micheal, you're a bloody perv!”

 

Phil's breathing deepens as he drifts off, his arms holding Dan close. Dan can feel himself sliding into sleep, and his last conscious thought is how falling asleep here in Phil's arms is like living in a dream. The best dream he could ever hope to have.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> I may not always reply to comments but I do read and appreciate every single one!
> 
> I'm on Tumblr, stop by and say hello!  
> capriciouscrab.tumblr.com


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